I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
