ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
