I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Farmville is her only friend.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
