I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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