Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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