i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
