fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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