i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
