I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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