can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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