I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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