I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
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