The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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