And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
