margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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