I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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