you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
