I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
