i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
