I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
