My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Randomize
