you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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