I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
