also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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