There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
