Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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