No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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