Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
