well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
