Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
