ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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