You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
