but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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