I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
