dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
