just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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