I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
