Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
