I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
