When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
