Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
