Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
