i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
