Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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