she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
