I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
