There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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