I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
