no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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