my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
