Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Come share oat with me in your robe
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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